After more than two decades in public education, Jennifer Zona found herself in what she calls "the desert": the old self gone, the new one not yet here, and no one bringing a casserole. In this conversation, she shares what sitting with hospice patients taught her about not waiting to live, how grief hides behind “I’m fine," and the moment she realized the grief she’d carried for her daughter’s imagined future was actually her own. Ask yourself, “Who do you want this for?” In this episode, Lisa also discusses her father's recent Alzheimer's diagnosis and caregiving for him.

Key takeaways

• Some losses come with no funeral and no announcement, like a career that ends, a house gone quiet, or a pregnancy that ends at 11 weeks. Jennifer’s first step is to stop measuring and say out loud, “this is a loss;” it doesn’t have to be worse than anyone else’s to be real. Then mark it with a ritual such as lighting a candle, watching it burn, and snuffing it out while naming what is ending in one sentence.
• When you’re grieving a parent while raising kids, grief can go underground and resurface as anger such as snapping over a sock on the floor. Kids are observant and learn how to grieve from adults around them. Jennifer suggests letting children see adults grieve in constructive ways, saving the rage and anger for when the adult is alone. 
• Ask yourself, “Who do I want it for?” Jennifer realized after 18 years that the grief she held for her daughter’s imagined future was her own. Next time you hear yourself say “I’m fine,” ask yourself: what is the truest response and why? 

“Learning to carry the grief is hard work. But it’s also beautiful. And you don’t have to carry it alone.” — Jennifer Zona

Take the next step

• Work with Jennifer: book a free 30-minute call (no prep needed) for her threshold sessions at notreallyfine.com. 
• Learn more about Jennifer’s practice: La Loba Soul Support at lalobasoulsupport.com, her Substack at lalobasoulsupport.substack.com, and Instagram @lalobasoulsupport.
• Mentioned in this episode: Many Winters: Prose and Poerty of the Pueblos by Nancy Wood, the book Jennifer’s closing poem comes from.
• Share your advice with Lisa: if you’ve cared for a parent with Alzheimer’s and have words of wisdom, links, articles, books, or resources to share, please email Lisa at hello@lisahartung.com or send a DM on Instagram @GivingGriefGrace.
• Pass it on: send this episode to one person who is naviagting a life change. You never know how words can help them! 

Wherever you are in the in-between, give yourself some grace. You don’t have to carry it alone.

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Special thanks to:

Podcast Editor Jacqueline van Bierk of Pink Star Music

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