Grief and Marathon Running: Losing Your Mom While Raising Kids with Heather Morrison Mainville (Episode 71) Artwork

Giving Grief Grace, a Grief Podcast for the Sandwich Generation

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Giving Grief Grace, a Grief Podcast for the Sandwich Generation

Grief and Marathon Running: Losing Your Mom While Raising Kids with Heather Morrison Mainville (Episode 71)

September 13, 2026 • Lisa Hartung • Season 2 • Episode 71

0:00 | 22:19

Grief and life are a marathon, not a sprint. They are full of uphills, downhills, and unexpected turns. In this episode, recorded live on the fourth anniversary of Lisa’s mother Emily's passing (and just hours after finishing a half marathon together), Lisa sits down with her running partner and friend Heather Morrison Mainville to talk about what it really looks like to carry the loss of a mother for a decade and still keep moving forward, both literally and emotionally.

Heather lost her mom, Tammy, to lung cancer ten years ago, in the middle of her own postpartum depression. Heather experienced overwhelming grief while caring for her 6-month-old. She and Lisa talk candidly about anticipatory grief, the ambush of unexpected triggers even a decade out, and what it's like to keep talking about her mom. Small rituals like texting updates during a Patriots game, wearing her mother’s apron, or seeing a ladybug on a run keep Heather’s mom Tammy’s legacy and memory alive.

In this episode:

Why Lisa calls grief "a marathon" of highs, lows, and unexpected turns
Heather's experience grieving her mom Tammy while in postpartum depression, and what it meant to "relive" that grief later
The friendship, built on flag football, a ladybug towel, and a shared understanding of loss, that turned into a running partnership
Milestone grief: why the first year, the second year, and unexpected decade-markers hit differently
Small, sustaining rituals — family recipes, Patriots traditions, and "signs" from moms who've passed — that keep a parent present
Heather's advice for someone newly grieving a mother: take it one day at a time, and it's okay to both wallow and celebrate

If this conversation resonated with you, share it with a friend who's carrying a loss of their own. Sometimes the biggest comfort is knowing you're not the only one still grieving. Sharing a story of their loved one with them also helps! Grief has no timeline.

Do you have a story about how your person shows up for you? Email Lisa at hello@lisahartung.com. We’d love to hear it!

Grief is not something you get over, it becomes something you carry. Give yourself grace.

Find Heather on TikTok: @heather.m.m512

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Special thanks to:

Podcast Editor Jacqueline van Bierk of Pink Star Music

Podcast Music Good_B_Music

Part 1: Welcome & Intro

[15:18:41]

Hi, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Giving Grief Grace. I'm coming to you live from my mom's garden and the back deck at our summer house, our camp in Maine.

[15:18:55]

I'm recording this ahead of the release, and her death anniversary is tomorrow, and I'll be running a half marathon with my girlfriend, Heather, and I'll have her on the show in just a little bit to talk about the experience of running.

[15:19:15]

But I have been feeling all of the emotions. You know when you go to the place where your loved one lived, and you see their trinkets, and you see their clothes, and you think of the memories that you had with them — how difficult that can be, and also fun. I was able to play solitaire this morning in the sunlight and watch the morning sunlight dance on the water.

[15:19:43]

It's just such a peaceful experience, and I wish you could hear the crickets chirping in the background. It's a typical end-of-summer, typical Maine weekend — the nights are cool, the days are warm — and I'm excited to celebrate Mom tomorrow through running, and Miles for Memories.

[15:20:06]

I want to feel her presence, but also feel the loss. Today there's been a lot of tears, especially with Dad's health as well. It's one of those where I keep saying: you've got to live each day and cherish it for the joy that it brings. I don't think there's anything that puts that into perspective more than a terminal diagnosis or illness. So I'm thinking of you if you're going through that too — it's tough. It's really, really tough.

[15:20:41]

And thinking about ways to cope and heal, and community to be with — one thing I love about Heather is... she also lost her mom, and it's so heart-wrenching, but I feel like I'm able to have that connection with her and talk about what it's like to have kids, and what it's like when there are big life moments and your mom's not there. All of the feelings are okay, and it's just nice to have someone to chat with, to run with, and to work out with, who just gets it.

[15:21:26]

So I'm excited to have this conversation with her, and I am sending you all so much love, and joy, and hugs. I hope you enjoy the week ahead.

Part 2: Interview with Heather Morrison Mainville

[16:21:46]

Welcome back to another episode of Giving Grief Grace. I have been in the process of training for and running a half marathon on the fourth anniversary of my mother's passing, and I've been thinking a lot about how grief is really a marathon. There are highs, there are lows. It is ever-present — it is around us all the time throughout our lives. Sometimes we're running uphill, sometimes we're coasting downhill and enjoying the journey and really celebrating life and all that there is to offer.

[16:22:25]

Running has always been kind of a solace for me. I've been a lifelong runner, and my mom always came to my races, and dad did too. It's been a through line in my life. As I've been dealing with my mother's grief, I've run marathons for Project Purple in support of fundraising for pancreatic cancer research, which is what my mom died of.

[16:22:55]

Then one of my sisters said, "Hey, I'm going to run a marathon in Maine in the fall — would you be interested in joining?" And I said sure. And one thing that's really special is I've been able to reconnect with a friend — one of the first friends I made in North Carolina. I really didn't know anyone when I moved. I played flag football with her, and we hit it off, and did some adventuring together with our partners at that time. Then we went and had families, and life gets busy when you've got kids.

[16:23:33]

A year or so ago I messaged her out of the blue and said, "Hey, I was thinking of you — something from the universe told me to get this ladybug towel." She lost her mom ten years ago to lung cancer, and whenever I see a ladybug, I think of her. So I messaged her and said, "I got you this little gift, it's really kitschy, but I want to send it to you." And she said, "Do you want to grab coffee?"

[16:24:10]

I thought, "Oh, how fun!" And then I knew she was a runner, so I said, "Instead of coffee, would you be up for a run?" She said absolutely. I told her I was training for this marathon I'm running for my mom. It's just been such a delight to have a friend who is also a runner, and who has also lost her mom — someone who knows the depths of grief in such a unique way.

[16:24:48]

So I am so excited to have Heather Morrison Mainville with me today, to talk about what it's like to run and to have a mom who's no longer with us as we're raising our families. Today is a very special day — the anniversary of my mom's passing — and Heather and I ran a half marathon together, and we nailed it. So without further ado, please welcome Heather Morrison Mainville to the show. Hi, Heather! Thank you so much for coming on. I'm so grateful for you and all the joy you've brought to our training runs.

[16:25:24]

Heather, what were your thoughts when I first said, "Hey, do you want to come run with me?"

[16:25:30]

I was coming off an injury, and it's been a year and a half — almost two years now, since we trained six months before that. I was really shocked when you asked. I said, "I'm coming off an injury, I don't know if I'll be as fast." You've always been faster than me — we ran once or twice back in 2014, when we first met at Myrtle Beach, the Fourth of July down there. I was like, "I know I can't keep up with you, but I'm going to try." I told my now-husband, "I've never been able to keep up with her, but I'm going to try."

[16:26:16]

Heather's a legit runner — she ran in college too. One thing I've been really grateful for, Heather, is your willingness to always say, "Yeah, I'm up for a run." I've had so many training partners in the past, but you're so consistent — that's a superpower of yours, and I really enjoyed that.

I wanted to talk a little bit about your mom, Tammy, and your relationship with her — I know that was super special. As we're thinking about listeners who may have lost their mom too... it's been ten years without Tammy. How has that been for you? We always talk about anticipatory grief, and especially on this day for me — I've been a wreck all week.

[16:27:22]

Yeah, emotional. How has that been for you as you've navigated life as a marathon of grief?

Normally I know when my triggers are coming, and I can even talk to people who've lost someone and say, "I know this is a trigger day for you." But this year specifically, as year ten approaches — her actual anniversary is December 30th — this year has been very sensitive to me. New things have triggered me that I wasn't anticipating. There's grief you can't anticipate — a song on the radio, a sign, something — and then you're just like, "Oh my gosh, why am I in this grief again?"

[16:28:08]

One time someone in my life asked me, "Why are you not over this?" And like you said, it's a marathon — unfortunately it's something I'm never going to be over. Nobody who listens to you is ever going to be over it. It's not something you get over. It becomes something you carry. And if you have a good partner, they understand that you're carrying that, and they're there for you. Your friends are there for you — the ones who understand. It's always good to have a friend, even though it stinks to be in that club.

[16:28:46]

Some of the things I do — there's Alex Warren, this singer who lost both of his parents at a very young age. I love going to his concerts and listening to his music, but I'm really missing my mom, because he has a song about that. There's just so many things you can do — I know when I need a good cry, and when I just need to talk to somebody.

[16:29:05]

It's been ten years. Would you say there was one year that was harder for you than others?

Aside from this — this is a full decade, right? We were talking earlier this week about how this is a new decade for you in your age. Yes, my 40th birthday was very hard. She wasn't there. Mother's Day is also right there at my birthday, so that's a real trigger for me too — I don't love that time of year.

[16:29:52]

I'd say the first year is obviously the hardest, because there are so many firsts — her first birthday without you, my kid's first birthday, the year I got married, my second marriage that she wasn't at. That year was very hard too, because I was planning everything without her — I went and got a dress and thought, "My mom should be here." The major life events — my daughter graduating high school, the same year my brother graduated, which was her son.

[16:30:26]

My mom was my best friend, so I called her every day. It's everything.

[16:30:34]

I'd say the second year was hard too, because then it's like, "Is this what the rest of life is supposed to look like? It's not fair." You look at other people who still have their mom — maybe they're arguing with her, or fighting with her, and you think, "You only get one of those! I know she's annoying you right now, but you still have her!" That's been the hardest — when other people say, "Oh, my mom's being so annoying," and I think, "I wish my mom was so annoying."

[16:31:13]

That's just not a possibility for us right now. I've said that running is part of my grieving process — what has been really helpful for you in this grief journey as you've processed the loss of your mom?

Unfortunately my process has been kind of unusual. When I lost my mom, I was in postpartum depression — I was on medicine that kind of numbed my feelings, because my mom passed when my second child was six months old. I was full-blown postpartum at that point, and my doctor upped the medicine when she heard my mom was sick, and upped it even more when she died. So I was numb, unfortunately. And when I came off of it, my partner at the time wasn't understanding — he was like, "Why are you doing this again? Why are you living through this again?" I kind of relived her passing. He wasn't there for it, so when I left him, I went through the whole grieving process all over again.

[16:32:31]

So I'd say the things I like to do are — talk about her. Talking about her gets me through, because I still keep her memory alive. One of the things Alex Warren says at every concert is that a person dies two times: when they actually die, and then when someone stops talking about them — the last time their name is mentioned. I love that, because it's so true. I love when I have a friend who just lets me talk about my mom, because she was amazing. And I love when people on Facebook say, "I was thinking about your mom today, she did this..." — that's the story I didn't know, or, "I miss your mom because she was like my mom in high school too." She was so involved — she encompassed all of my friends and loved all of them.

[16:33:39]

Anytime someone cares about a story or a memory, it's like a little hug from above — it makes you feel like you're not so alone.

[16:33:54]

It's nice to hear other people think about her, or care to mention her — that's a hug I love to have. With your kids, how do you bring Tammy into the conversation?

I'll say, "That's something Mommy really loved," or I do traditions my mom did — Thanksgiving dinner, I wear her apron and cook everything she cooked, even if nobody likes it, like turnips and carrots. My kids don't love it, but I make it anyway, because my mom made it. My oldest will ask for one of Nana's dishes, and I'm like, "Yes, you got it." My bonus kids don't really know my mom that well, so I talk about her to them — "My mom was so funny, this is a joke she told..." I mention her any chance I get, to be honest.

[16:35:06]

This week in particular was a big week of tradition — I know there are listeners who are also passionate Patriots fans, so maybe share a little about what you and your mom always did.

Huge Patriots fan, go Pats. I actually buried my mom in a Patriots jersey — Gronkowski, which... he's a cutie, I like Gronk, don't love what he did, and he did it after she died, but we'll just say what it is. My oldest daughter is a cheerleader for a college football team, so she's learning the rules and started texting me during games — she watches the Patriots because obviously I'm raising her as a Patriots fan. She can choose her own team now, I guess, she's twenty — but my mother would roll over in her grave. We're still fans. She's texting me about Drake Maye and everything, and I'm like, he's a cutie North Carolinian, so we're excited about that.

[16:36:24]

Oh my gosh, this is exactly what I would do with my mom — I live two hours from my mom, so I'd text her, like, "Can you believe Tom Brady threw that pick?" And she'd say, "Yeah, baby!" That was her response for everything.

[16:36:44]

I got one of those from Alina — it's just little things like that.

[16:36:50]

Such a fun tradition to keep alive. It's nice — when my mom passed away in 2016, she died in December, and the Pats went to the Super Bowl three times in a row after she died — we won two of those. I was like, "Ugh, I wish my mom was here," that was tough too. But it was also like, she's so excited. The Julian Edelman catch that turned the Falcons game around from 28-to-3 — that was right after she died, she'd just died, two months earlier. Edelman's my favorite player, been my favorite player, and he made that catch — "The Catch." I was like, she's there holding that ball up, she's not letting it hit the ground. There's Mom.

[16:37:52]

Oh, I feel like we could talk about Tammy and my mom, Emily, all day. One thing that's really special — we made these bracelets for my mom that say "Elevate, Divide, Hope, Team EDH." Heather and I wore those on our race today. I'm just so grateful for you — we went in with a goal of a sub-two-hour half marathon, and we totally nailed it. On our training runs we talk a lot about how mom is showing up that day — is there a cardinal, a ladybug (that's my mom), an owl, an eagle, a dragonfly? We nailed it — we got a 1:51.

[16:38:44]

I got a ladybug this morning. Yes! You got a ladybug this morning — probably at the wall. So cute. It's fun how our moms come back to us in special ways.

[16:38:57]

Heather, as we close out — do you have any advice for someone who might be new in her loss of her mom?

Take one day at a time. I know that sounds cliché, but every day, as you're going through this journey, some days are going to be easier than others — and some days, even ten years out, are still hard. I've cried twice on this trip about my mom. This year has been very difficult for me, and I've told my husband repeatedly I don't know why I'm so sensitive about my mom this year specifically. Two years ago was the first year I did something on the anniversary — before that, I put myself in bed and cried all day, listened to all her favorite songs and songs about grief, and just cried all day. That's what I needed.

[16:40:16]

But my cousin got married on the anniversary of her passing, so I couldn't do that. I cried that morning in the hotel with my husband, then got up and got ready. I probably wasn't the most fun person at that wedding, which normally I am, but that time I wasn't. By the end, I got through it — I wasn't crying anymore, I was smiling, there are happy pictures. I think there's a lot to be said for wallowing, but also a lot to be said for honoring them on that day too.

[16:40:47]

Honoring them, thinking about what they'd want you to do — my mom always said, "Life's too short to not have an umbrella in your drink." So — how do you want to celebrate her on a day that's otherwise really triggering?

[16:41:05]

Heather, you are such a light. Thank you so much for being a good friend and understanding what this is like. It can be hard and lonely — so if you're going through that, grab a girlfriend, especially one who's maybe gone through it too. If running buddies are your thing, great — I trained by myself for ten years, and I never want to train alone again. You never have to.

[16:41:44]

So here's to the next half marathon — we got this, you've got this, and we're sending so much love and light to you. Thank you so much for tuning in. We'll see you next time.